Luke & Noah's Story - ATWT - Part 210



Booo. Where's Noah? Does Luke really need to win? What's he going to do for the school? Gay President. Ok, that's an option I guess. (hope his heart's really in it)

Luke & Noah's Story - ATWT - Part 209



Noah...what did I tell you? I told you kick some sense out of Luke. Now the truth is out and Kevin's right. Luke has no other agenda besides the GLBT alliance. (which is fine and noble, except it doesn't do anything else for the others)

Can we move on to another story now. Other peeps are getting hurt and too involved and it's not worth it...

Where's Noah? (day off?)

Crazy thing happened yesterday at work.

As I stood and waited for patrons to come, at...

18:59pm started a long set of prank calls that lasted 'til 19:04pm. 11 pranks altogether.

Then a 5 min break. (like this person went to do something)

Last and 12th prank happened at 19:09pm.

Who could it be?

If I was a sleuth and put this all together, 11 pranks does spell J's name. But if it is J, then why the 12th prank 5 mins later???

Luke & Noah's Story - ATWT - Part 208



Warning: No Noah or Luke. :(

Luke & Noah's Story - ATWT - Part 207



Yawn. No Noah or Luke. But the story goes on...

Poor Ali.

Luke & Noah's Story - ATWT - Part 206



Luke's gone stupid. *yawn* Games up guys. They're on to you.

Noah's uber sexy when he gets angry and above Luke. It's good to know he also has a mind on his own. Go NOAH!!!

Dude, when you're hawt doey-eyed boyfriend asks you to stop...dude...STOP!!! (don't let this one go man, it's not worth it)

Luke & Noah's Story - ATWT - Part 205



Sometimes I think Luke has issues!!! Like seriously...I'm uber convinced that Kevin is really sincere that he didn't want it to turn out like this. And yet Luke keeps dragging history back and back until it hurts. Idiot doesn't know he's the only one who's hurting himself.

Noah...talk some sense into him please.

Luke & Noah's Story - ATWT - Part 204



Isn't Noah just the cutest thing in that cowboy outfit. I just want to kiss and pash him....

Luke & Noah's Story - ATWT - Part 203



Noah's such a great boyfriend. So supportive and loving. I want one of them. *checkout please*

Luke & Noah's Story - ATWT - Part 202



Ah... What dream lines. Kudos to the scriptwriters. How I'd love to use these lines to Justin since I work in a bar and sometimes he comes by to say hello or goodbye.


Noah: And what can I get for you?

Luke: Oh I don't think you're serving what I want.

Noah: Did you come here just to drive me crazy because...that's what you're doing. *and kiss*

Find more videos like this on QueerClique

I don't like putting porn up here. (just 'coz there's a gazillion sites out there that already caters for this), but...

I didn't realise how much this guy looks like J. He'd probably look like this when he reaches this age. Just imagine him with thicker eyebrows, bigger nose, more hair and the deadliest light blue eyes you can ever see in a guy.

J'taime Justin!!!

11:22pm. My computer speaks to me. A divine message from the universe???

Justin. how do I live without you?

Ok!!! I'll admit it. I'm a stalker. Fcuk.

I don't mean to do it...it's just in me.

It's crossed my mind a couple of times. Just seeing where J lives. See if he lives humbly, just like the rest of us...or does the suburb he mentioned where he lives looks as perfumery as he made it sound to be.

His street name, which I looked up on the White Pages was quite funny. Let's just say that it sounds like a Chinese prostitutes name, so I figured, he must live humbly. The fact that I've looked up his name on the Pages once again suggests that I've got stalker blood in me. Fcuk.

So I looked it up in google maps. And voila. His suburd is right near the beach. What does that say? Beach...mah gawd. Only the rich folks gets to live near the beach. In Sydney anyways. Well we lived near the beach for years up north. We weren't exactly rich. So who's to say?

And then today came. My sister needed a lift to the airport which is kinda on the way where J lives. Time for revelations. I needed to breathe. I needed to see. I needed to know.

J lives near Bexley. A suburd almost an hour away from where I live. Towards the east, you could say near yet not so near the airport. The name itself conjures of images of nice beach houses. I fear for the worst.

After 25 minutes of driving around, night has fallen. It was a little difficult to find house numbers in the dark. Luckily, I've had plenty of practise as I was a Diether Ocampo in the past and delivered pizza for Pizza Hut in our area.

I entered the street. I had to take another deep breath. I wasn't really quite sure what I am expecting. Why the curiosity? Why the need to know everything about him?

The suburb was hilly and was full of tall old thick trees. I passed a bridgelike kinda road which held only one car at a time. Odd. I've never seen one of those before? The houses varied from one storey flat houses to huge massive ones. At the beginning of his street lay old bricked house, no different from the houses where I lived. A sigh of relief? Also here, they had small bins for Monday pick-ups, whilst we've swayed more to the bigger ones. A sign of wealth? I beg to argue.

I squinted my eyes to the number the first house presented. It was the number 3. Fcuk. As far as my investigation goes, he lives in an even number way above the 50s.

So I drive and drive. Small house, small house, small bricked house. *phew* I have nothing to fear after all...well until...

Until I crossed an intersection. And vaboommmmm...huge looking Italian houses popped out of nowhere. WTFcuk???

I calm my heart. Surely, he must live at the other end of the humblier side of town. In a house where I wouldn't feel threatened by his upbringing. Where his princessness won't get in the way of our future relationship. Where we could be us and no materialism would distract us from our views. The way he described his father, well, maybe he's not that well off. Well...until...

Until I crossed to another intersection where the shops laid. There was a nice nifty shop that was starting to display their Christmas wares. I love nifty shops like that. So unique and so full of new ideas per season. It must be a wealthy kind of area to have shops like that. All we have in our area our Indian stores as novelties.

I pass a house and it bore the number 94. Shite. I've passed his house 20 houses ago.

I do a U-wy and drive back to the wealthy area of the street where the houses looked like Italian mansions. My heart palpitates once more.

I get even more nervous as I pass a house full of lights. Shite. People are walking out. That could be his house and they've just had a small party with the relos. I breathe a sigh of relief as I saw the people that dwelled in that house. They looked like Italians. He's not Italian. (though he could pass as one). I search for the number from the well lit mansion. It was 76.

And there and then, my heart dropped as I realised what street number he possessed. Yes folks...it was the house right next door.

And it's a fcuking mansion.

My future husband lives in a mansion! With big windows, a big backyard that's nicely renovated and nicely secured with strong modern fences. The modern door was twice the size of our house door. They had a big living room upstairs with open windows right where the people could see. It was modern, magnificent and my heart fell...

I can't believe the bastard is loaded.

Just as he looks. Which explains the trip to Greece. The exclusive school. Almost everything.

I don't quite know how to handle this...

I summoned him through a sketch as advised by The Secret. A drawing of my Justin.

David Archuleta - Crush (New)
Uploaded by Innocence-1992

CRUSH - David Archuleta

Oooh, Whoa, Whoa, Ooh, Ooh, Whoa, Whoa

I hung up the phone tonight
Something happened for the first time
Deep inside it was a rush, what a rush

Cause the possibility
That you would ever feel the same way
About me It's just too much, just too much

Why do I keep running from the truth
All I ever think about is you
You got me hypnotized, so mesmerized
And I just got to know

Do you ever think
When you're all alone
All that we can be Where this thing could go
Am I crazy or falling in love
Is it real or just another crush

Do you catch your breath When I look at you
Are you holding back Like the way I do
Cause I'm trying, trying to walk away
But I know this crush aint going away, going away

Has it ever crossed your mind
When were hangin, spending time boy,
Are we just friends
Is there more, is there more

See it's a chance we've gotta take
Cause I believe that we can make this into
Something that will last, last forever, And Ever

Do you ever think When you're all alone
All that we can be Where this thing can go
Am I crazy or falling in love Is it real or just another crush

Do you catch your breath When I look at you
Are you holding back Like the way I do
Cause I'm trying, trying to walk away
But I know this crush aint going away, going away

Why do I keep running from the truth
All I ever think about is you
You got me hypnotized, so mesmerized And I just got to know

Do you ever think When you're all alone
All that we can be Where this thing can go
Am I crazy or falling in love
Is it real or just another crush

Do you catch your breath When I look at you
Are you holding back Like the way I do
Cause I'm trying, trying to walk away
But I know this crush aint going away
This crush aint going away
Going away
Going away
Going away
Going away
Going away

Heard this song from someone's blog. The lyrics are bloody awesome and has become the theme song for my love saga. You know when you've found that special song that just says everything about how you are feeling. This is the song.

Now I just have to find a way to get this to J.

Cutey of the day:

Cutey of the day works for Bread Top at Cabramatta. He's tall and lean. Very Korean of him, though I'm sure he's Viet. I don't usually fall for these kind of guys, but if he was my boyfriend, I'd so dress him up like a hawt Korean prep guy.

I bet he has a nice small yet cheeky ass. Yum!!!

After all the halloova in my love life...I thought I'd consult "The Secret".

Wish me luck.

Meet my new friend John from DL. OMG he's hawt!!!

Hope we can become real good friends.

You know when you look forward to something so much that you set your heart into it and you prepare like you've never prepared before.

Today was like that.

What a let down. (again)

Justin wasn't at work. Not his fault. He just wasn't rostered in.

It's just... he told me that the usual days he works was Mon, Wed, Thurs and Saturdays. But he's been meaning to take Saturdays off and change his availability. So that leaves me with 3 days to see him.

Except on the days they don't roster him in.

My future is looking bleak by the minute. :(

Luke & Noah's Story - ATWT - Part 203



What's going on with Noah's hair?hahaha Just the same, he's still uber gorgeous. Once again, new girl and guy on this scene with them? Either I gotta start watching the whole show, or there are just always going to be new extras each time I watch their clips?hehe

And so...Luke, the headstrong, seems to be on the verge of going for the elections and challenging his old crush Kevin to win. Good for him. With his convictions, he might have a good chance. Besides, we want that Filmfest to go through yeah! (so that we can see more of yummy Noah) Kevster doesn't seem to be such a bad guy after all. Well at least he fights fair. Noah's so sweet for always looking out for Luke. I want a 'Yummy' like that!!!

Thanks to LukeVanFan for uploading the new episodes.

So I can't get Justin out of my head. And just, just as I was thinking about him quietly whilst I was gardening...of course the radio plays Justin Timberlake's My Love on radio. Fudge. Taunt me why don't you...

My Love - Justin Timberlake (feat TI)

Justin Timberlake - My Love
Uploaded by gelele0205

[ Chorus: ] Yeah, because I can see us holding hands Walking on the beach, our toes in the sand I can see us on the countryside Sitting on the grass, lay side by side You could be my baby, let me make you my baby coz BOY, you amaze me Ain't gotta do nothing crazy See, all I want you to do is be my love (So don't give away) My love (So don't give away) My love (So don't give away) Ain't another man that can take your spot, my love (So don't give away) My love (So don't give away) My love (So don't give away) Ain't another man that can take your spot, my love Ooooh, Ooooh, My love My love

SHELTER - Behind the scenes



I loved this movie SOOOO MUCH that I've seen it four times this year. I'm glad someone has posted the behind the scenes part of the DVD on YouTube. It was a little disappointing (in terms of their weak commentary and just the way it was cut) but I loved some of their comments. Like how Trevor said, "Coming into this...meaning going into this gay relationship, that I've never experienced myself, so, so doing that, was brand new to me, and I think by that, brought a lot of true values to Zach!" "And you know I've gotta be honest, it's, I don't know, it's was almost y'know, more passionate than doing it with a woman on screen y'know." Really??? Awww...gosh. *blushes* Trevor yer cute. Would you kiss another guy again?

The chemistry between Brad and Trevor was what really brought this movie alive. It was real and that was what yanked my heart. They did also say that it's not so much a gay movie, but about finding that special person (may they be male or female) who
you want to spend the rest of your life with. TRUE THAT!!!
For a second, I wanted to be Shaun when Zach asked, "You dating anyone?" and Shaun replies, "No I just broke up." I could do with such a perfect lie excuse.

If anything, they were right about one thing. Having two heterosexual men playing these uncharted roles did bring a lot of rawness to their characters. Which made it very believable and definitely one of the most classic romance stories I've seen in a very long time.

Well done guys!!! Congrats!

Here's a few more:



Brad Rowe looks a lot like the side view of Brad Pitt. Awww...

La la la La la la la la La la la La la la la la

I just cant get you out of my head Boy your loving is all I think about
I just cant get you out of my head Boy its more than I dare to think about

La la la La la la la la

I just cant get you out of my head Boy your loving is all I think about
I just cant get you out of my head Boy its more than I dare to think about

Every night Every day Just to be there in your arms

Wont you stay Wont you lay

Stay forever and ever and ever and ever

La la la La la la la la La la la La la la la la

I just cant get you out of my head Boy your loving is all I think about
I just cant get you out of my head Boy its more than I dare to think about

Theres a dark secret in me

Dont leave me locked in your heart Set me free

Feel the need in meSet me freeStay forever and ever and ever and ever

La la la La la la la la La la la La la la la la

I just cant get you out of my head I just cant get you out of my head
I just cant get you out of my head...

Justin...I don't know what to do. Ikaw lang ang laman ng isip ko. :'(

SHELTER (2007, USA)

Synopsis:
Forced to give up his dreams of art school, Zach spends his days working a dead-end job and helping ... his needy sister care for her son. In his free time he surfs, draws and hangs out with his best friend, Gabe, who lives on the wealthy side of town. When Gabe's older brother, Shaun, returns home, he is drawn to Zach's selflessness and talent. Zach falls in love with Shaun while struggling to reconcile his own desires with the needs of his family.

Here's the movie:


Watch Shelter(2008) in Webisodes View More Free Videos Online at Veoh.com

After Justin dropped the bomb on me yesterday about his supposed girlfriend I've been melancholy all weekend. (and feel like shit) I just wanted to watch Shelter again because it's an awesome awesome movie, it's gay themed and I wanted to see if there was anything I could learn from it. (in response to my present situation)

First, because in my first meeting with Justin, I remember him telling me stories about how he went surfing in Greece with his brother. The boy likes surfing just like Zach and Shaun in the movie. Second, there's a definate age gap in the storyline. Justin and I have such an age gap between us. I wanted to see if Shaun could teach me a thing or two.

What I loved in this movie: (as per my dilema) I'm living in such a parallel world. Shaun's way older and meets troubled Zach. Zach is going out with a girl (kinda) and confusion about his sexuality surfaces. When he re-meets Zhaun out of the blue, he finds inspiration in him and desires to spend as much time with him as he could. Justin and I are kinda like that. Justin (being only 16) has his own world of troubles. He's not so much into school, doesn't get along with his mother and I'm sure he has other things on his plate. Then he meets me. We don't get to spend a lot of time together, but when we do, he's all smiles. There's probably not a minute that passes that he doesn't glance at me. When I'm doing some work behind his back, he'll make that effort to do a 360 and still look at me. He gets gitty and nervous when he makes the firt move and tries to talk to me. He says "What?" a lot as if he hasn't heard me. He shies away from shaking my hand, and when our conversation goes way longer than he desires, he finds it hard to look into my eyes. He embelishes stories and they start not to make sense when he gets all nervous. These are signs to me. Outside of work, his text messages are hard and one liners. Maybe, he doesn't want his girlfriend finding them. Back at work, all he does is look for me. Confused or what.

The Best parts: I really grew attached with Zach and his ex-girlfriends affectionate "Hey Monkey!" greetings. I mean a monkey isn't exactly th cutest animal in the world, but it worked so well here. It was personal yet lovey-dovey. The first kiss between Zach and Shaun tugged my heart. It was casual yet you can start to feel the romance spark between them...and it was exciting. The mind games that happens after are so real. (I know cause I play this a lot) I'm glad that it was Zach that played the next move, just to give Shaun that heads up that the next ball would be in his court. Shaun was persistent yet not annoying. It had to be baby steps and they needed to take it one day at a time. He knew when to give Zach space and found the perfect moments to be with him again. The spraypainting scene of the wall was very inspiring. Zach was totally inspired and you live for those moments when you've found happiness. The hug was very touching. The love scenes gushy you could melt. And best of all, was the soundtrack music. It brought it in a little closer to the themes and it was really heartwarming. Cody was such a great link. He's like the dog that you can use as bait to attract guys around the park...in a human way.hehe

What they've could've done without: Gennie and the rest of her fucked up disillusions. But I understood her role. She was integral for Zach in finding his own path in life.

I learnt...that I could be more patient like Shaun. A shoulder to cry on, a strong brick wall to lean to, an ear to listen, a smile to inspire, I could be a friend to hang out with and most of all, someone who recognises and encourages peoples potentials.

HE HAS A FUCKING GIRLFRIEND!!! FFFFUUUUUCCCCKKKK!!!

Or so he says...

Luke & Noah's Story - ATWT - Part 201



Who's Kevin and what twists does he hold for our beloved couple. I love these guys. They seem really genuine when they hug and kiss and love-it-up. I'm jealous.

Thanks LukeVanFan for uploading the new episodes.

Luke & Noah's Story - ATWT - Part 200



Awww...how cute. Noah works in cafe. (I want to hunt down this cafe of his and drool all over him) Graveh, si Noah ha, tsuper taray to the max. Anu ba yan at ano ang big problem nya with rugged Dusty. Redge...hmmm, yay, another gay character in the show. I hate that Brian dude. Even though he's quite accepting of the gays (kuno), there's just something not quite right about him. Hmmmm... Awww...Noah's so tanned he almost looks Italian. Yum! Didn't realise he was so close to Dusty. (eeewww) Hope it doesn't cause too much tension between my beloveds. Meathead Kevin? Whoduh? (ahhh old boy crush) Noah getting the jealous looks over Kevster? Uhmmm dude, NO, you are a million ways better looking that yucky boo. Getoverit. But Kevster seems up to no good.

Thanks LukeVanFan for uploading the new episodes.

Finally. I got Mitch to smile at me. Freak, it's been almost a week since we became friends in Myspace and yet nada.

I saw him the other day at Box and yet nothing. No smile, no acknowledgement, nothing. What does a guy need to do to get some attention around here these days.

Yesterday he was at Candy and I only had a 1 3/4 hours timeframe to say hello to him. But the opportunity didn't rise.

It was only after I threw ice at Rob who was by chance standing at Point (who was chatting with Mitch) that I got Mitch to smile. I kinda threw the ice kinda hard and hit Rob's shoulders. (I thought I was going to miss???haha) The boys I was chatting with laughed, I laughed and finally, Mitch swayed and looked at me and laughed.

It was right there and then that I wished I had a camera so I could've captured his smile. Gorgeous.

At the end of his shift, he passed by the bar, made eye contact and smiled. I often wished this kid wasn't uber shy and just say something. Like 'Hi, how's your shift?" or "Hi, how are you? Seen you on myspace and you've added a pic. Nice!"

...or something. In fairness...cute yung friend nyang si Marko on the left of the pic. Hawt!!!

Can't wait to see this film Milk by Gus Van Sant starring Sean Pean and James Franco.



Why? Well, because it's a gay orientated film and we have to support that. Plus I'm sure it has a strong message behind it. (don't really care!) And well, because James Franco is in it. (though I am not his hugest fan, I shall still watch it because of him) Why? Well, because he has a kissing scene here with Sean Penn and any big actor willing to do a man-to-man kiss has my vote to see his film. Go JAMES!!!haha

Read Milk Man's interview here (source).

Here are more cool pics of James: (enjoy)

Just recieved my copy yesterday of November's OUT magazine in the mail with James Franco on the cover (starring in his new gayish film called Milk filmed by Gus Van Sant and also starring Sean Pean as Milk Harvey)

I can't believe I've read the whole mag in one sitting within a 3 hour span. Man I rock!!! I don't know if it's because it was a good read or because the articles are getting easier and easier to flow through? Nonetheless...here's the verdict:

The Good: ; By The Numbers - Really? 6 cups of watermelon to fix my body's level of citrilline??? 6 cups only? Hmmm...something to try out this summer and see the effects. Ha!

The Bad: The Cover - I thought the cover shot looked a little low. (James looked fine.) There was just so much space above his head and the header. It almost looks empty. (here's the designer in me talking.); By The Numbers - What happened to the By The Numbers page??? I mean, though informative, I ain't the biggest fan of this page. But heck, the designs (and I know how hard to make such a page pretty) were much better before.

and What Could Be:

Here's Australian out and proud gay singer Sam Sparro's "Black and Gold." Loving the illuminated shirt under his tux. (so opening of the Olympics effects happening there)

I just recently discovered him in DNA #103 whilst reading his article. I guess I've heard this song ages ago. Just didn't know who he was and what he stood for. But it's nice to see new gay songers out there shining through the charts. Would like to see more of his stuff in the future.

Loving this pics of model Travis Hanson for the new issue of mag Arena Homme Plus taken by Steven Klein. It's so horny!!! I love hot model guys like these who are willing to do anything in camera in their private state of being doing naughty naughty stuff. (and if you enlarge the pics, the metals on his gloves that are illuminating looks like dripping cum...even if he looks like he's sniffing his leathered hands.) Sourced here.

Here are more pics:

Sourced here.

Now isn't he just so scrumptious!!! (and daring. Love it!)

I saw Justin very briefly today. And I made sure I saw him so I can play hard to get etc etc etc.

He was on floor and I was on box office today. He started at 5:30 and I was meant to finish at 5 but I did some magic and managed to stay until 5:35 so I can get a glimpse of him and vice versa.

I was at the end of my shift and I was counting my float when I looked up and noticed that he was just coming down from the escalators and he was looking at me.

The smile on his face made my day...I wuv you.

I wish he had text or called and said, "Where'd you go? I missed you?" (because I left straight after my shift and I didn't even get to see him or say hi. Pacute epeks daw!hihi)

How random...

Out of the blue, as I was watching the very first episode of Family Guy S01, mum comes out of the kitchen and says, "...magpakasal ka na. Tapos magkaroon ka ng isang anak. Kahit di ninyo mahal ang isa't isa. Pakasalan mo kaya yung Haponesa, yung kaibigan mo. Si Tomomo? Yun pakasalan mo yun!"

I had to laugh. It was so random. I know where she's coming from and I wish I could have a love child with someone. Someone to continue the family heirloom. But that may not be the future for me.

It could've been caused by the package I've recieved today from Ayumi. My Japanese exchange language friend when I was living in Japan. We made a pact that we'd send each other packages of food and snacks when we travel. Hence the package...then Mum's speech.

I gave it some thought and maybe...just maybe, Mum does know. She knows like all mother's do. And she's just looking out for me even if there's sadness in between the whole marriage and have a child thing...

Who knows?

Efen Justin didn't turn up to work. I have no idea why!!!

I'M SO FURIOUS!!!

Furious because I don't know what happened. And I'm playing princess and restraining myself from texting him after yesterday's haloovaa.

And now I'm going crazy thinking of things that could've happened. Like he went to a party or something which was more enticing than work and he could've been invited by a girl he was smitten for for ages and they had sex. FUCK!!! I'm going crazy!!!

Mga ate...help!!!

I can't get Justin out of mah head. (avah! parang Kylie Minogue song yun ah) "Boy your love is all I think about..."hahaha

Kasi naman, si Kuya Fais from DL nag-advice advice pa. Sabi nya, live life to the fullest daw. Kahit na alam kong masasaktan ako, sige, hala bira daw. Minsan nga lang naman akong makakatikim ng isang blue eyed adonis at lakasan ko raw ang loob ko.

So ayun ako kagabi, nagpakagah-gah na.

At work, I tried to try and speak to him as much as I could in his 4 1/2 shift. Konting shake hand, konting flirt. Konting help. (muntik na syang agawin sa kin nung bading na manager namin. Uh-uh...akin yan!!! Don't touch or I'll wring your neck!!!)

Si Justin naman, flirt din back. At kung makatingin sa akin...nakakatunaw. As my cousin would say...Gosh!!!hahaha

Nung break ko, finally, nasa point 1 nanaman sya. Favourite spot daw nya yun. (siguro kasi palagi nya kong nakikita.hahaha) Eh tamang tama naman, break ko. Shet. Nakita nya kong dala yung Burger King ko with my drink and sundae...at hinihingi nya sa akin. Shet shet shet...kung kaya ko lang, isinubo ko na sa kanya lahat yun. Waaaahhhh!!!)

Balik break ako and all I wanted to do was give him free soft drinks. Kasi daw "Piss small" yung binigay sa kanyang tubig. Sabi ko sa kanya, intayin nya ko.

So binigyan ko sya ng Lemon & Lime Bitters. Ang cute cute nyang ininom.

Tingin uli sa kin ang gwapo kasi sinuot ko yung 3D glasses na sinuot ko sa pelikulang Journey to the Centre of the Earth with Brendan Fraiser. Cute daw at napa-smile sya.hahaha Wafu talaga...woof woof.

Kaasar naman ang mga friends ko. Kasi ang aaga natapos, so hang-out sila sa bar. Eh di nila alam, I'm trying to make most of my time with Justin and flirt. Ayun, dinistract ako kaya di ko masyado nabigyan ng pansin si J.

Nung umalis na sila, tsaka ako bumira. Waaaaahhhh, patapos na daw sya.

Buti na lang, naimbita ko sya for one drink. Umuo naman. So he had another Lemon & Lime Bitters and we chatted. Ang gaga, pareho yung t-shirt nya nung isang araw. Di pa nilalabahan.haha Ayun, medyo I got to know him more. Like his new playstation daw na bigay sa kanya ng dad nya at tsaka yung konti nyang sweldo. Na chick-boy pala sya (bummer) and he likes to drink na. (kahit na 16 pa lang sya) Kasi nalasing daw sya sa flight nya when he was in Europe. Na he has Irish and British background, and a bit of Spanish. And he hated his 5 min stop over in Asia. (coz he felt sick and drunk) Yun lang...

And I said that he could sell his body. Kasi gwapo sya and he could make heaps of money. blah blah blah

Pero he had to go na. Shet. Fuck.

So inintay pala ako ng mga friends ko to hang out and have dinner. Mga gunggong na yun. Pero and laman lang ng isip ko at i-text sya (dahil ninakaw ko yung number nya sa work) and I had to come up with a great excuse to text him...payo ni Kuya Fais.

So during dinner, I took a deep breath and took courage in texting him. Mali ba??? Sabi ko, I'm glad he like my Lemon & Lime Bitters. It was great daw kasi. Niloko ko sya and said na I spat on it.hahaha

Tapos yun. Reply naman si gwapo at di naman nagalit na nasa akin yung number nya.

Nag-jelly na yung mga friends ko and they were wondering who I was texting all night. Akala nila yung kaaway ko.hahaha Kung alam lang nila.

Shet naman at naglow bat ako. Naka tatlong text lang tuloy kami.

So kagabi, sa bus, bago matulog, pag gising, sya lang ang nasa isip ko.

Medyo disappointed ako dahil mga 1 liners lang sya magtext back. And he's a chick-boy (super gwapo kasi). And in fairness, di ko sya masyadong kilala. Baka may girlfriend na pala ang gungong...paano yun.

Kanina...ti-next ko uli sya. Isa lang ang sagot. Shet. 3 times ko syang ti-next. Isa lang ang sagot.

Mali kaya???

Sya lang ang laman ng isip ko...Mahal ko na ata? Help.

OrangeTang*gina!!!

Sa Blacktown ko lang pala mahahanap ang mga copya of some of the great gay films of the Philippines, nagpapakahirap pa akong magdownload.

Here I found new copies of Daybreak, Ang Lihim ni Antonio, Sikil and the lesbo film Rome and Juliet. They also had a lot of the Provoq DVDs, some of the masahe ones and the lot...I'm sure to be coming here more often.

One day I hope they'll have Roxxxane, Serbis and Kambyo much more...

I've recently returned from holidays finding two issues of Out Mag delivered in our doorstep. So... I've been reading both issues on my 2 hour train rides in and out of work.

Luckily, I breezed through this issue and quite enjoyed reading a bit on Doogie Howser's Neil Patrick Harris for the September issue of Out. Great cover! He doesn't look like a manboy anymore and looks quite hot in this photoshoot. (more below) I'm not too sure about his dumb role in Harold & Kumar but heck. Can't wait to see him play gay in some indie movie one of these days.

Anywho, that's the not the reason for this blog. I just wanted to share my slow coming out story. Well anyways, I was in a real rush to go to work and since I've finished reading this issue, I left it on the sala table and rushed out.

Totally forgetting about it days later, Mum cleaned the house and lo and behold, I notice it sitting by it's lonesome on the table. And just like Neil Patrick Harris...it was proud and out.

Me wonders if Mum paid attention to the mag and actually browsed through it? Me wonders if she knows or even has the faintest clue??? I hope so...

And speaking of Neil...here's a few pics of him and his actor beau David Burtka that has surfaced the net quite recently. Fuck. Nice one Neil!!! If someone like that looky looky at me too, man I'd grab that thing! Gimme some of that anytime. Congrats!

I couldn't stop thinking about Justin today. Kahit na wala pang nangyayari sa amin. (like there will be daw kuno)

Nakwento ko na ba what happened last Thursday night?

Wait muna. Let me tell you more a bit about Justin: 5'6 and uber uber hot. Like super. Para syang adonis. Curlyish hair, super swimming pool blue eyes and a smile to die for. We've only just met (and I've blogged about him already with a small photo) and he's still kinda shy that's why I'm making the effort to be the nice Kuya (Yaaakkk) to him at work. I work in a bar and he works just across me on his shifts collecting tickets. Besides his great look, napansin ko, when there are no customers, he's always looking at me. O daba. Sign yun??? (or is it just me?)

So last Thursday night, on his break, he came up and spoke to me, like you would on your only half hour break. That's where I found out he loves to surf, he's partly Irish and some Spanish and his very nice. He was so happy when we were talking because we were getting paid (or just got paid on Friday). He's super young so he only gets $11 something. I've never seen anyone so excited about $11.haha Anyways, I said I was excited too as I needed to pay for a lot of things. He muttered, "Bills, food...(tapos pabulong) women?" Like he was after some reation after that. Is that a hint?hahaha

When the night finished and on the way out, when we were signing off, I noted that he has to see a manager to sign off again downstairs. Eh nagpalit na sya. He kept cursing and I was hitting his nape. He cursed again and I thought he was cursing at me for hitting his shoulder blades. Kasi he was at the beach all day and maybe he was sunburnt??? So I did it three times. Then I asked him what's wrong and he said he forgot to sign off sa baba. Shet. Eh when you sign off, you have to be in uniform. So he had to palit ulit. And just like that, he took his shirt off right in front of me.

OMGawd mga Ateng!!! I could've died and have gone to heaven. He is sssooooo ssssoooooo hot!!! For a 16 year old....oh youth.

O daba, mali. Like I'm super old compared to him. Pero tinutulak ako ng demonyo na tikman ang isa sa mga pinakamasarap pero pinakamaling tukso sa buhay ko...

Well, he's on again tomorrow night and on Wednesday. Hopefully I can find the chance to strike up a conversation again and wallow in his blue eyes. Maybe get a chance to ask him to a movie. (since we work at the cinemas anyways, it's almost free for us)
Wish me luck. I already know it shall never last...but heck, live la vida loca si?
I want to sing Kathy Perry's song "I kissed a boy and I liked it" and be crazy in love.

If you've seen the gay surfy movie "Shelter" (awesome film) then maybe you can see where I want this to be headed...

I'm so going to hell for this...haha

Alam ninyo ba yung feeling na to be super excited? When all of a sudden you're expecting so so much. Na sana...sana merong mangyari. Na maganda. Na magpapasaya sa 'yo kahit konti. Ganuon ka-exciting.

Ganito kasi yun.

At about 8pm tonight, 8th of October, in-invite ako ni Mitch sa Myspace account nya. Vahket???

Mga 2-3 months ago ko siguro nakilala si Mitch. Sa work. Actually sa train station. Bago pa lang sya nuon. Kaklase nya ata o ka-batch si Robert tsaka si Ruben sa high school nila na mga ka-work ko rin. Mga high-schoolers so yep, korek ka dyan, mga bata pa.

Pero si Mitch kakaiba. Super tangkad kasi nitong batang 'to at may dating. Mahiyain kaya di masyadong nagsasalita. Susunod, di ko rin alam kung anung mga araw sya nagtatrabaho.

Isang araw na lang, nag-hello si Mitch sa akin. Nagulat ako. May dila pala sya at mukhang mabait. Bigla tuloy akong nagka-crush sa kanya.

Meron nanamang araw nagkabanggaan kami sa work. May nasambit ako, parang "Having fun?" Tapos sumagot naman ang bata na, "Wanna swap?" (maypaka-pilyo din pala 'tong batang 'to) Eh sa bar ako nuon. Bata pa sya so hindi pa pwedeng humawak ng alcohol. I had to sway my head no and smile na lang. Sana Mitch...sana.

Pagkabalik ko sa holidays, nagkita uli kami ni Mitch. Ngayon naman medyo angat na sya. Sa Candybr na sya nagwo-work ngayon. Wow! Kinausap ko yung isang kasamahan nya at nasa likod ko sya parang nakikinig lang sa usapan namin. Siguro interesado? Tapos nung araw na yun, nililinis na nya yung popcorn machine. Eh ang tangkad-tangkad, nagulat ako. Kasi nuon, pag ako ang naglilinis ng popcorn machine, kailangan nakatungtong ako sa box. Eh sya, ang tangkad, hindi na kailangan. Napa-joke tuloy ako sa kanya at tumawa naman. Ang cute ng smile nya. Tapos napansin ko sa mga mata nya, parang gusto nya pang magusap. Yung nga lang, kinailangan na kong bumalik sa trabaho. Sayang. Ewan ko lang kung sign yun. Sana. Crush ko kasi sya.

Kahapon. may pasok uli sa Mitch. Umangat na si totoy at nasa box office na sya. Graveh. Bading kasi yung manager namin duon. Minsan namimili ng staff nya. Kaya siguro umangat si Mitch. Eh may outing ang mga barkada ko kahapon at sinubukan kong magbihis. Ang gwapo ko nga eh.haha (kapal) Sinubukan kong magpapansin sa kanya pero di nya ko nakita. Sayang uli.

Ngayon, di ko akalain, may pasok din pala uli sya. Patuloy ang pag-angat ni totoy at nasa Candybr cashiers na sya ngayon. Pag sumilip ka sa bar, kitang kita ko sya. Sinubukan kong magpapansin sa kanya pero wa epek. Pero napansin ko minsan tumitingin din sya sa akin, di lang nagkakasalubong ang mga mata namin. Sayang. Parang gusto naming dalawa pero ayaw ng tadhana.

Napansin ko kay Mitch, very attentive sya sa surroundings nya. Na gusto nya kilalanin ang mga tao bago sya magsalita. Yun din ang report ng kaibigan ko. Kaya nga sinusubukan ko kahit papaano. Pansin ko rin, medyo malungkot ang mga mata nya. Meron kaya syang tinatago???

Ang dami kong beses dumaan sa Candybr kanina. Kahit na anung excuse ginamit ko na para lang may pagkakataong magka-usap kami. Pero sa hapon na at sa huli lang kami medyo nagkatinginan sa mata. Napansin ko nga iniiwasan nya ang mga tingin ko. Either nahihiya o galit. Kasi, ang dami kong pinansin nung araw na yun. Pero sya hindi.

Kaya kanina, galit ako sa sarili ko sa nagawa ko. Kinailangang kong gawan ng paraan.

Kahapon may nahanap ako. Nung nag-sign-out kasi kami, may bagong questionaire na naka hilata sa harap ng computer. Andun hinihingi yung birthdate namin at tsaka e-mail address. Eh sa hapon na inilabas yung papel na yun kaya yung mga pang hapon lang ang nakapirma. Isa na duon si Robert tsaka si Mitch. Ako naman, pasimple, ni-log ko kaagad sa mobile ko yung e-mails nila.

Kagabi, gi-noogle search ko ang pangalan ng mahal ko na si Justin, ang mga crush kong si Robert at Mitch. Tiningnan ko kung meron silang blog or Facebook account or whatever. Yung meron ba kong mahahanap na kuonti kahit papaano sa kanila. Kay Justin talagang wala, si Robert medyo humihinay na ang crush ko sa kanya...at yun sapul, nahanap ko na may MySpace account pala si totoy.

Dahil sa galit ko sa sarili ko kanina, naghanap na ako ng sariling paraan para ma-contact si Mitch.

Kaya yun, ng mga 7 o'clock, naglakas loob na ko at sumulat ako sa account ni Mitch sa MySpace. Nagkunawari ako na nagsi-search ako ng mga tao sa work. Pretend lang at wala naman akong ini-expect na kapalit.

Tapos biglang tumibok ang puso ko.

Sumulat si Mitch, requesting to be my friend. Wowz!!!

Sana ito na. Sana pagpalain na ko ng Diyos, kahit na nilaan ko na ang puso ko kay Justin. Sana, kahit papaano, mahalikan ko si Mitch kahit isang beses lang. (kung hindi nga lang mahiyain 'tong batang ito.)

Ang gusto ko kay Mitch, at ito ang unang una kong napansin sa kanya nung nakilala ko sya, ay kahawig nya ang gwapong modelo na si Mark Dominic from Canada na nag pose for French gay mag Tetu Plage a couple of years ago. Medyo payat nga lang si Mitch, pero siguro magkaka-muscle din one day. Eto ang comparable pics:

Yun nga lang mga sis. Medyo nasawi kaagad ang puso ko. Kasi naman. Eh nung nag-invite kasi si totoy, naka-private yung page nya. Di ko tuloy kaagad na-assess. Nung pumayag na kong maging friends kami, ayun, pwede ko ng basahin yung page nya. Wala naman. Di mahilig mag-sulat at dalawa lang ang pics nya. Yung isa, hiniram lang nya sa kaibigan nya. Pero meron din kahit papaanong info. Like may gf na pala si gunggong at ang pangalan ay Liz. 18 na pala si Mitch at kaka-graduate lang sa Year 12.

Pero bakit ganun. Wala syang sinulat about himself. Parang may mga secrets pa rin? GF nya ba talaga o pressure lang from his friends? Tapos na kaya talaga sya? Nagre-review kaya sya para sa HSC nya? Anu kaya iniisip nya nung in-invite nya ko? Maguusap kaya kami sa work? Sasagutin nya kaya sulat ko?

Sana...may mga sagot ang mga katanungan ko.

I was just browsing QueerClick last night (one of my fave websites to visit when I'm horny) and drifted to their Chinese page.

Lo and behold, I see pics of Fafa Dennis. (aaaaaayyyyyy....akin yan!!!)
Paano ba yan. Nadiscover na sya ng Queerclick at nahanap na sya ng mga intsik!

FaFa akin ka lang ha. Labs na labs kita! *promis*

Here's a sample of the posted images: (click to make it larger)