I'm not so sure.

I was speaking to one of my best friends sister and we got unto the topic of my Blackberry. She adored it and I told her the whole sob story as to how I got my phone. I told her it had a scratch on the screen and I hated it. Then she brought up Paolo's name.

I met Paolo through our Youth Group when I was in my twenty's. I had an immediate crush on him because he was uber cute and tall and very very gentle. When I first met him he asked me what my name was and I was thrown. No one usually asks me that question anymore especially because I always seemed older than the other kids.

He stuck with the group for a while and there were many Sundays where I'd have to take him home because he didn't have a car. I was so smitten by him that I started noticing how much shops in Sydney had the name Paolo. (which is quite an odd name for an Australian. It was more Italian or Hispanic) But it was everywhere and it'd would remind me of him. If I didn't see it on the streets or the shops, I'd hear it as someone's name or I'd read it from a character in a book. (which was once again odd)

I was crazy over heals about him that I had started writing secret letters to him, pretending it was some random girl. He fell for it.

The only thing that irked me about Paolo was that intellect-wise, we were so not coherent with each other. I was uber advanced and next to me, he felt (and sounded) dumb. (and blondish)

He was super cute though.

One day, he just kinda pieced it all out and found out that my handwriting was very similar to the stalker that was writing to him. One everning, during our camps, he found me in the dark and started asking questions if I knew the girl and as to why my handwriting looked exactly like mine. I was red in the face. (luckily it was night and he didn't notice) I made a poor-ass excuse that I promised the girl that I wouldn't reveal her identity if we were ever found out. I think he believed me. (though there was also something that felt like he wished it was me and that I would just admit that I was the one stalking him. lolz)

I remember sometimes wanting to call him to ask some random question or ask him if he was attending choir practise and if he needed a lift. The sucker was a good conversationalist on the phone and I hated that because that meant that we were on the phone for like 10mins or more and I hate being on the phone for that long. I didn't want to give anything away. Deep inside though I was like every minute of it and you should've seen me. Often, before I picked up the phone to call him, I would take a deep breathe or I would play the conversation in my head over and over again.

It was a crazy period in my youth.

After that I kinda lost touch with Paolo as he became better friends with the other guys and hanged out with them. Then he got into Uni, left the group and joined another group where he met his girlfriend. I ran into him once in some random party where he introduced his girlfriend to me and that was it. He still sounded so stupid and I knew I did the right thing by attempting not to get in touch with him anymore.

When I lived in Japan, he found me through MySpace and he said that he was coming to the country. I wished him a good time but didn't entertain the thought of being his tour guide (even if I would've made a great tour guide.haha)

I think either last year or something, I caught an early train which he too was catching. He saw me and I pretended not to see him. When he walked further away, I noticed that he had that incling to say hi, but he didn't.

This time my friend told me to contact him if I wanted my phone fixed. I was adamant. But I did. I played the part of some friend of a friend who was just enquiring as to how I could get my phone fixed. He texted back three times asking me who I was.

It was kinda fun tugging him like that. He still sounds stupid, even on text messages. Some things don't change. Deep inside, a little girl urges me to keep going to the point where I could start flirting with him. But the better man in me tells me to stop after three. *damn*