MEN ARE SHIT!!! >:/

Finally got to see Slumdog Millionaire! (by myself!!! :D) I thought it was one of the smartest movies made, feeding on our past and seeing how important they are to us. The boy who fell on shit I thought was an amazing talent! So natural in front of the camera at such a young age. The movie gave you a really good look at India's slums contrasted by the new and rich condominiums being made for the wealthier folks. But most of all, I appreciated the love story. It such a different love story. A pure one. From the hands of destiny, which more often than not, we wished we had too. 9.5 out of 10!

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This is also a side note to my "Men Are Shit!" remark...they are!!!

If you've been reading my blog, then you would know that one of my New Years resolution was to 'Date' this year! I haven't. Only because I haven't found a likely candidate. Justin's still not talking to me and Adrian's kinda out of the picture. Emed just doesn't see me that way, and even though a million people pass my work each and everyday, no one's paid that much attention.

So to fill the void, I've started hanging out with guy friends. I don't often do this because the topic of conversations always seems to end up in sex or drinking. And I can't donate any information to the conversations because a) I don't drink and b) I'd rather talk about the male anatomy.hahaha

But I'm a little desperate. So... I've hanged out with Wil on his birthday. He was super late and paid no attention to my instructions to come on time. Men are shit! This time around, I invited Max and Seb to come and see this movie with me. Since we were all hanging out already in the morning...why not let the fun continue on to the evening. I only parted with Seb because he had to take his girlfriend back to the city 'coz she's going to work. I parted with Max because I was going to church first. But we all agreed to meet in two hours.

Well...I was doged. Both fell asleep and forgot. I should be able to understand, but I can't. I too woke up much earlier than they did today and had to drive for 2 hours whilst theys slept in the car. I had to work yesterday for 12 hours while they didn't. We all got home at midnight! Seb on the way to the city had 2 hours extra sleep. Max fell asleep on the car twice. How can they be both more tired than I was???

Dogs!!!

Men are shit!!! But Seb was more of a pile of shit because he was only 2 minutes away from the cinema. I didn't expect him to be all beautified and smelling nice. I just wanted to see the movie with someone!!! Max on the other hand was an hour away. Even if he tried, he'd miss half of the movie already.

MEN ARE SHIT!!!

A sign of good times ahead??? I hope so!!! (it is Valentines soon!)

I found this 'Love Heart' when I went to get some ice in the freezer for my morning OJ. There was a stack of ice bundled together and I couldn't be bothered to break them with a pick, so I tried to shove them all in at once in the glass. Whoopsie! The glass broke and I had to throw it away.

Then all of a sudden this 'Love Heart' fell away on the floor.

Things happen for a reason...

Luke & Noah's Story - ATWT - Part 259


Double yawn. I'm only publishing this because LukeVanFan published this.

Luke & Noah's Story - ATWT - Part 258


Yawn.

Luke & Noah's Story - ATWT - Part 257


No Noah? *boooo*

Allison looks great with that soft hair. It's so fresh. And oh wait...this is not a Luke & Noah's story???

I'm seeing this Naked Rabbit Project in a lot of blogs. I think this is gonna be big...

I think it's really funky and cool!!!

Charmants.com is my new fave site. Only because it features beautiful men from models to artits to actors and it's a very clean and an easy guide site. It's like a mixture of ohlala/kenneth212/tolweroad but with skin skin skin. I'll definitely be hanging out here more. :D

I've been scoping out Valentines cards at the book and card shop in the city. See if there's anything that jumps at me. Actually there was one cool mobile-open-it-up-&-it-jumps-at-you card but it's for $12.95. (yakkkzzz)

Guess the guys are worth it.

I've decided to send Justin a bunch of red roses (yowzers expensive) and a card for Mitch...since he's so hawt and he's such a crush of mine. I love you Mitch!

So Wilson finally found the souvenir he had bought for me from Port Stephens and gave it to me tonight. He bought me a brown bracelet type-a-thing. (not really my cup of tea, but heck, nothing to lose) Anywho, he reckons it shall lift off the curse I told him about.

What curse did you ask? The curse that my siblings and I will not be in any relationship for a very long time. It's been awhile for all of us!?!?!?

Hope he's right. (though I'm unto him. I know he's playing tricks on my mind)

Oh btw...I think I'm also cursed to fall in love with 16 year olds. Like seriously. Sick I know...

Hot Boy of the Day


I saw this Hot-Latino-Boy hop on my home station. It was a scorcher 40degrees and he probably just ran to the station so he was super super hot. He tried to read a book (as I snapped this photo and we made our first eye contact) but it was just too hot. He kept opening the end door which wasn't allowed just to let some air in, but he was aware of the other people and they might say something.

He noticed me which was nice. I think he was horny. Since he couldn't open the door, he just kept hanging himself by the window. It was such a hot scene though. Imagine sitting on the seats and he was standing in front of you. It was like a scene out of a porn movie. I could've been sucking his young young cock on the train.

My head went straight to a fantasy where we meet again, hook up and become friends. We dash over to his house and he introduces me to his Mom and we head straight to his room. As soon as we get in, he tears my clothes off and plants me a really really wet smooch. He's horny as hell. Then it starts raining outside and we fuck the hell out of each other!!! Nice!

I fear the worst. I think the thing with Adrian is fluctuating. *shit*

After his text last Friday, he's been acting really funny and has been really carefula around me. *shit*

I thought we were ok yesterday because he greeted me like always and he seemed stoked to see me. And then I grabbed some ice a little bit later and then he did this look with his eyes. Like he was facing somewhere else in a distance but I can see him doing this thing with the corner of his eyes. Like he was either cautious or was waiting if I was going to do something. Like maybe I was going to stuff up???

Maybe I'm thinking about this too much.

Then at the end of his shift...he just left and didn't say goodbye or anything. This is so Justin all over again. Fuck!

He came back with Jake around 9:30ish because they were going to see a movie. It just so happens that I was at the ticket office when they were there because I was signing off. He saw me but he kept putting his head down. He spoke to me a little but I think he was just being polite. On the way to their movie, he put his hood on...like so that I won't see him. Fuck!!! Maybe I'm just way thinking too much about this.

Then I texted him...and alas, no reply. FUCK FUCK FUCK!!! I am so pissed.

I don't know if I am really pissed because he's fucked me up, or because the friendship between us has just ended or because I've let this happen all over again just like Justin. And so soon....

Anna was right. "Men are SHIT!"

Touch My Hand - David Archuleta

David Archuleta - Touch My Hand Lyrics

Saw you from a distance
Saw you from the stage
Something about the look in your eyes
Something about your beautiful face

In a sea of people
There is only you
I never knew what the song was about
But suddenly now I do

Trying to reach out to you, touch my hand
Reach out as far as you can
Only me, only you, and the band
Trying to reach out to you, touch my hand

Can’t let the music stop
Can’t let this feeling end
Cause if I do it’ll all be over, I’ll never see you again
Can’t let the music stop
Until I touch your hand
Cause if I do it’ll all be over, I’ll never get the chance again
I’ll never get the chance again
I’ll never get the chance again

I see the sparkle of a million flashlights
A wonderwall of stars
But the one that’s shining out so bright is the one right where you are

Trying to reach out to you, touch my hand
Reach out as far as you can
Only me, only you, and the band
Trying to reach out to you, touch my hand

Can’t let the music stop
Can’t let this feeling end
Cause if I do it’ll all be over, I’ll never see you again
Can’t let the music stop
Until I touch your hand
Cause if I do it’ll all be over, I’ll never get the chance again
I’ll never get the chance again

Saw you from the distance
Saw you from the stage
Something about the look in your eyes
Something about your beautiful face

Can’t let the music stop
Can’t let this feeling end
Cause if I do it’ll all be over, I’ll never see you again
Can’t let the music stop
Until I touch your hand
Cause if I do it’ll all be over, I’ll never get the chance again
I’ll never get the chance again

Can’t let the music stop
Can’t let this feeling end
Cause if I do it’ll all be over, I’ll never see you again
Can’t let the music stop
Until I touch your hands
Cause if I do it’ll all be over, I’ll never get the chance again
I’ll never get the chance again

Trying to reach out to you, touch my hand
Reach out as far as you can
Only me, only you, and the band
Trying to reach out to you, touch my hand
Yeah, yeah, yeah

I'm super crazy about this song atm. I listened to it repeatedly last night on my hour train ride home just so I can memorize the lyrics.

I'm in a 2 day fasting. I won't text Adrian for two days everytime something tense happens between us. Today's the 2nd day. This is so hard...

I think if I prayed more...maybe Justin and I will be ok. As in friendswise maybe. (???)

It happened again. I was feeling all wobbly during the day and I couldn't explain it. Like I was weak in the knees. I wasn't sure if God has placed this thing on me where it works like a sign...to warn me.

I tested it today. Wobbly knees = Justin.

I walked around the whole area to check if he was due to work today. Nothing. He wasn't rostered on. *phew*

...Until he walked in at 6pm in his uniform. I couldn't explain it. He wasn't covering for anyone. He just walked in. I think they let him work because we were short staffed.

Yep. Wobbly = Justin.

Though I was making sure that I wasn't paying any attention to him all night, there was still a few things I noticed. Like how he's turned quite serious of late. Something about his face. Less smile, just that stern look that lingers. I noticed how most of the night he was working by himself. Usually they all work in groups. But he kept to himself. I noticed how he was the one who kept changing over Jake on point instead of anybody else. Maybe by this time he noticed me with my friends. Talking. Drinking. Laughing. Something. I noticed he noticed that I'm good friends with everyone. Like how I was playing games with Vipesh on point. I hope he noticed. I saw him looking at us from the second floor. I noticed that he sometimes looks back now (again) when he's on the escalators. I noticed like clockwork, he's the one that changes over the other person at 9pm. Just enough time (an hour) for us to be in close proximity with each other. I noticed that he's changing and he's getting better. He was now facing the normal way just like before. He wasn't as tensed as before where his whole back would totally face me. I noticed how he let out my customers and was willing to step in my bar. These are good changes that kinda softens my heart.

For like 10 seconds...we were aprroximately a metre apart from each other. Him at point and me in the bar just wiping the benches. It was so tense. We were both trying hard not to look at each other. My knees went wobbly. Aw gawd.

I thank God. The prayers are working this time and I'm glad. There is still a little tension and one day I wish he'd just courage it up and ask for a drink. Then maybe...just maybe, we can get back as to how we used to be. Just a few more prayers...

Struck



This was my favourite at the Flickerfest Festival down at Bondi.

It spoke so much to my heart. Where Cupid struck his arrow just at the same time I was passing by Justin. Now I'm bloody in love with someone who's not even that in love with me. I can't get him out of my head, he's the first and last person I think off, and when he's around or coming around, my heart starts palpitating and my knees goes all wobbly. Shit!

Thanks guys for making this film/

Luke & Noah's Story - ATWT - Part 256 (Part 3 of 3)



Ahhh...the gays wins again! Another one in our team! Yayyyy!

Brian finally comes out!

(and everyone is so supportive. Awww. Tear!)

Ang pogi talaga ni Noah! He's so adorable!

Luke & Noah's Story - ATWT - Part 255 (Part 2 of 3)



"Look grandmother..." WTF? Who worte this script?hahaha

Luke & Noah's Story - ATWT - Part 253 (Part 1 0f 3)



Oh no...Lola story. *yawwwwnnnn*

Still glad Nuke are back! :)

Luke & Noah's Story -ATWT - Part 253



This must be the BEST EPISODE yet!!! Finally!!!

Gawd...how did they remember all those lines? Noah's so HAWT when he's mad! I thought it was only an illusion when people say those kinds of things in movies, but now I know!!!

GO NUKE!!!

Luke & Noah's Story - ATWT - Part 252



"In this episode..." Aww how cute when grandma said this. Like she knew she was in a soapdish herself.harharhar

I wish I had people like this in my life. People who care so much that they'd fight for love no matter what!!! GO NUKE!!!

*It's a really hopeful episode. Can't wait to see the next!*

For a second I thought it was another Justin episode. It started off well. We were text messaging on the train and it was great and funny. Then he came super early at work and came and see me. Unfortunately my Mum and brother were in bar and I think he felt shy and so he left.

And then there was that look. It almost scared me. I was on my break and I went upstairs and he was doing the rounds. I trully believed he saw me as we locked eyes. But he was overlty serious and it scared me. Justin has that look around me lately and it breaks my heart. No hellos nothing. My heart almost fell.

I could've been mistaken. As there was a lady and her kids distracting her. Maybe he was looking at them?

I sat inside GMx 2 having my break when he came around and did checks. He eventually saw me and sat next to me. We had a bit of a chat which was nice because I thought he was mad at me. Invited me to go and see the festival with him and his young mates. I kindly declined because of the age gap. I could handle probably hanging out with him and Jake but not all his other young mates. I did text him afterwards...

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Bumped into Mitch as I was heading into GMx. Didn't get to say hi as I was talking to Emman. I felt a little bad.

Luckily I bumped into him again at the festival. It was the first time we shook hands and he was hesitant (?) But he was asking if we were headed to Pancakes. I know he wasn't personally inviting me but the gesture was there otherwise and it felt nice.

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Hanged out with Wil all night. He's a great guy to converse with. Just not my type. Sayang. Just meant to be friends I guess...

Luke & Noah's Story - ATWT - Part 251



Ok...time to pray and have faith. I'm really counting on Casey and Allison now for some reason...

Luke & Noah's Story - ATWT - Part 250



Luke say no! Don't let it happen...

Luke & Noah's Story - ATWT - Part 249



Wow!!! Noah's pretty pissed. I lurve it!!! But this can't go on. I can't stand it when they fight. Mate this is the only gay storyline I'm following lately...

That's awesome! Noah actually looked like he was making proper coffee and not burning the milk. (I know! I'm a barista)

Luke says sorry a lot. *yawn*

Awww... friends working out a way to get Nuke back!!! *tear* That's so sweet!

Luke & Noah's Story - ATWT - Part 248



Everything's ruined...

Luke & Noah's Story - ATWT - Part 247



Pagpapalit mo si Noah for this dude Luke? No fucking waaaayyyy!!!!

OMG Jade you didn't??? Phwoar!!!

I lurve asscracks!

I laid sleepless last night.

I couldn't stop thinking about Justin and what could've been. I could've been more accommodating. I could've given him a drink and we could've have had small talk.

I jogged for an hour and I felt ashamed of myself. I am better than this...

This is the book I've started to re-read. I needed something a lot more exciting after reading Twilight last year. Twilight was so High School.

Vampire's Vow just really gets my loins going. Something about how Michael Schiefelbein write's that really excites me. I can see everything clearly and he doesn't go into nonsense. I've read half of the book withing two hours. And mind you...there were breaks there when my mind wandered off to Justin.

It has ended even before it started. Justin and I are over.

Karma has really hit me.

It was such a weird night. I saw him come to work at 5pm. I wasn't even as excited as I used to be. I didn't do anything special to my hair or anything. I did splash on some cologne just in case.

When he signed on he sped off back outside. I thought something bad had happened and they sent him home. I felt sad. I wish I knew things. Luckily, I think he was just sent to buy some milk. I was coming down the big stairs when I noticed him with a plastic bag and he was playing with his two-way. I quickly played with my new phone and pretended not to see him.

At the start of the day I really wanted this to be a new year. Maybe...just maybe...Justin and I could be just friends. In my head, the scenario I played was that he would be at point. I would see him and I would greet him a Happy New Year! Maybe I could casually ask him what he did? And then we'd proceed from there.

I didn't really see him all night. It was a really busy time at work and there were a gazillion people. Rupa was on point mainly all night. I've been doing a 12 hour shift so by the time 7:30 hit, I was already out of it. Stephen jumped on point around 7pm. Justin was about to relieve him but I prayed not, as I was going on my break. I really wanted that chance.

I wasn't expecting it, but Justin caught me at the having my break at Cinema 6. There was a pause there when he noticed me but I didn't look. I thought it was just Emed, judging from the heavy footsteps that climbed the stairs. I didn't realise he had really heavy footsteps. He looked at me, did his cinema check, went behind me and left. The crazy person in me believes that he was checking me out that's why he took so long to do his checks.

In the back of my mind, I was hoping that it was going to be him at point, and then he'd do his usual look at me coming down from the escalators which I loved. But alas, it wasn't him.

We had a chance encouter at Candybar when I was grabbing coffee mugs and I think he just had a drink of water from the back. We looked at each other for a second but I was back at the bar before he even caught up with me.

By 8ish he was finally at point. But it was super hectic and he didn't even had the chance to glance my way. It had gotten a little quiet at the bar so I was able to pay attention to him. That's when I took the photo. By this time I had realised the inevitable. He's lost interest. I could tell by his body language. His back was now facing the bar. Before, he would always be facing the bar. Which gave him a chance to look at me.

I don't know what had changed. Like he hated me and I too hated him. I hated him for not being man enough to own up to his feelings for me...if he ever had any. He was gutless. I mean I know he's only 16, but if he had guts to admit his feelings for a girl, why not me. Ok, I know owning up to be gay is quite tough for any kid...but I wish he could tell me.

It got really busy for the both of us. So busy that one of the managers was even helping him. I don't think he liked that.

By 9:30 it was already super quiet. I had packed and cleaned up and he had all the vantage point. I was giving all the signs to come and courage up enough guts to even say hi. Nada. What a wuss!!! Justin you're a wuss!!!

And this time his body language was even worst. He was now totally looking outside which he's NEVER done before. There was a moment in time when I'd count the times he would look my way. My fingers weren't even enough to count at how much he had looked at me within a minutes time. I was sure then he was really into me. I don't know now. He never even glanced. And if he did, I had my back turned at him. I'm sure he peeked a few times. But this time I wasn't buying into it anymore.

Maybe it's me. I really wanted to give him a nice drink tonight. But that would be me succumbing again to his beauty. He has NEVER given back one thing to me. The last time I gave him an alcoholic beverage to him and his girlfriend he didn't even thank me. I gave him a Christmas card and he was super cold. I think if I had come to my senses, he's not really that into me. Or else he would've said something by now.

There was a moment I caught him checking his mobile. The crazy person in me was thinking ihe was checking if he had any missed calls from a private number. I used to prank him during his working hours to confuse him. The pranks had stopped months ago.

He left. I think he had felt hopeless like I was feeling. He came down the escalators looking at me but I paid no heed. He signed out and when he came back out I was sure he glanced at me. I didn't pay no heed. He left defeated.

On the train I was trying to analyse it. All of it.

I came to the conclusion that we both must know. Or else he wouldn't be acting like he is. Why has he turned so cold all of a sudden? What changed?

I'll just need to wait. I haven't totally given yup on him. He is the most beautiful boy that I've ever met in my life and I yearn and pray for that kiss. In my fanatasies I meet him in 5-10 years time and he is sorry and more mature and succumbs to my powers. I think that's what I seek. His maturity. I want him to be more coraugeous and knowing. I want him to be sure of what he wants. I think he's either a lot confused right now or just don't know how to handle these kinds of things.

I'm contemplating of sending him flowers again for his 17th Birthday this coming days. But I don't know how he will feel about that??? I don't even know if he recieved the chess that I sent him?

FUCK!!!! "I hate this part right here..."