I'm feeling a lot melancholy. It's kinda wet outside and Mum and I have just seen "In the Land of Women" again. Adam Brody is sooo cool. And I think I'm going to use the word 'phenomenal' in replacement to 'awesome' from now on. 'Awesome' has become overused. I was actually teaching that to a French guy who came by at work today whose English is kinda bad.

Whilst watching the movie, I was also reading Notebook magazine, just 'coz I've already seen the movie. There was a page where they were showcasing how to cook and bake nectarines, peaches and the lot. Very summer fruits. And the first page had a fruit pie. (maybe with peaches?) Yum! Then I remembered 'Pushing Daisies' and how the dude there makes so much awesome pies. And I thought, I want to find awesome pie places in Sydney. Just like that. Then I can munch on them and gobble them up.

Then I thought of Wilson. Not in that way. Just 'coz we're becoming good friends. Good enough friends to start a bromance. And I wanted to text him. Tell him that we should hang out again and find a really cool pie place and have coffee. Except he doesn't drink coffee. But then again I didn't want to text him anymore. Just 'coz I text him too much and I don't want to come off the wrong way. He was telling me the other day how he was checking his phone and re-read all his messages and I think he mentioned that 90% of his text messages was from me. Whoops! Stalker. Yuk! Well at least he kept all my messages.

And I realised there and then that that's me calling out. Me wanting to share myself. Not so much blabber on the phone, but just share myself. I mean I hate talking about myself, but I love sharing my thoughts. And I've become very good at that. Through texting. I've become an avid texter!!! Is anything wrong with that? Not that anyone really reads this blog. Just sharing myself here is enough I guess.

Oh BTW, I think I should really end it with Justin. Not that there's anything going on between us. But I called the florist that I usually call to send him flowers. And I wanted to send him flowers for Valentines Day. Of course. And all was going well. I even went to the bank and put money on my credit card just to make sure all goes well. And the lady on the other end knew about me. My feelings for Justin and all that jazz. Until...

Until she called me back this afternoon telling me about her husbands note to her. That the last time they delivered flowers to him, he told them not to come anymore. That when someone orders flowers for him, that they should just throw the flowers out. That's pretty sad dude. It kinda broke my heart. *tear* And I pondered about that a lot on the train home. That either he doesn't like flowers or just doesn't want anything to do with me. Ever!

That hurts dude.

And I thought, well I don't even know if he knows that it's me? Because for the last month or two we haven't spoken. Not a decent conversation during the last months. And he looked like he was disgusted with me. For flowers? What the Fuck!? He should be so lucky. That someone even thought to be romantic and show him all this love.

Do you think my love is wasted? Because I want to share myself and heck, I'm not a bad catch. Like seriously.

And so I got to thinking why I'm so hung up on this guy. Why oh why I cannot move forward. Why can't I just pick myself up and hook myself to someone else? Someone better. Someone who wold love me back and appreciate me for who I am. And the answer is...

Because stupid cupid has shot his arrow. Fuck! On me! Double fuck!

I'm so screwed.

I was reading this article on Notebook by this woman author who loves writing about romance. And there was a question about what romance is? And it's true what she said. That it's different for everyone. It is. And then she goes on about how she loves writing about moments. Like how this super cool dude in a tie and a suit washed the dog of the woman he liked and never took his suit off. Even if it was getting wet and full of suds. And that was a moment. How it defined 'Love' in a such a small way, but those are the lasting memories. One's that makes you gush and blush and have warm fuzzy feelings.

My warm and fuzzy feeling with Justin was when I was cleaning the coffee machine once and he had his back on me. Then he kept turning around and looking at me and I kept wondering what he was doing. And then he leaped and came across me and said, "I don't know what I'd do if you weren't here!" Then my heart skipped a beat, the arrow in my heart dug deeper and I fell in love even more. I mean who says that to a person???

So now, after watching "In the Land of Women" with my Mum, and I'm feeling all melancholy, I was thinking, the florist was just a small hurdle. That if my love for Justin is bigger than my heart, then I should make the effort and drive to Justin's house by the morning and drop a bunch or roses whether he liked it or not.

Persistence goes a long way!!!